I was crying alone in my room. I took a bath but never did I feel much better. I was just saying, "I can't do this!" "Help me." and "Why?"
It was the end. I was overreacting. I've seen break ups. Relationships come and go. Years together fell into nothing. But the crazy fact that I just only witnessed but never experienced. When I ask friends, they say I was blessed by God (Me Protektado). I don't know. maybe it was how my mother raised me so well, how she prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide me all throughout my life or the pact I had with God since I was 4 years old -- I'll be a good girl and He will send my Prince Charming just once and forever. But while growing up, I realized it doesn't guarantee that you will be free from heartache. ouch!
flashback >>>
"Dinaig mo pa 'ko te! Naging kayo? Ilang years?"
"Matagal na yan ah. Hindi ka na natuto. Ganyan ka pa rin. Paulit-ulit."
"Isipin mo hindi pa siya 'yun."
They would tease me everytime. The worst is arranging me to a date. The anxious me just prayed to God. And yes he answered! (Umamin si guy na may kamabutihan) the night before. Everything cancelled. Naligtas ako! haha!
Sometimes I get tired of people asking me why I'm single, encouraging me to meet other guys. Just recently, I felt I wasn't single anymore.
A friend told me "Bakit ka single eh hindi ka naman bukas para sa iba?" I was complicated.
"May pinagrereserbahan ba ako?" I asked myself. Meron sa isip ko. Isa lang in particular. Ngayon wala na in particular rin.
-------------------------------------------
The usual me, I fell asleep in the jeep. Grabe traffic sa Araneta!!! I can feel the uber hot na haring araw sa tanghali. Ayuko gumising kaso ang inet! Mamang Driver was calling passengers but none is joining the ride. 'Pag kita ko nasa Sto. Domingo pa lang. "Bumaba na kayo! Uuwi na lang ako ng Roxas." He was giving us our fare to ride another jeep.
"Bakit ngayon pa? Ang sarap na ng tulog ko. haayz" I told myself. No choice.
Papara na sana ulit ng jeep pero may humihila sa mga paa ko. I found myself heading inside the church then I was turning my back feeling like I forgot something or thinking if I was doing the right thing. I ended up buying a piece of white candle. "10 minutes lang Lord. Hindi naman ako male-late."
The Meaning of White CandleThe balance of all colors: for cleansing, repels negativity, used to bring peace, spiritual strength, truth, purity, heals emotions and provides protection.
I lighted the candle. "Lord nakita ko 'yun! Malinaw na sinagot mo na ako. I'm praying for him. Kung doon siya masaya wala ako magagawa. I want him to be happy."
I kneeled down seeing the image of La Naval De Manila, then on the left side of the altar was San Martin De Porres. I was trying to smile with some tears in my eyes. "Kuya Martin (My eldest brother who died in my mom's womb was named after The Saint) pati ikaw sinasamahan ako."
I felt the presence of God. He was saying like, "Dito ka muna anak. Yayakapin muna kita."
It was the best hug ever. PRICELESS. It is only FREE.
