I hate being sick. But this day is an exception. I started my day late. My brother and I went to the veterinarian for the vaccine of Mihau (the black pug) and to let K-Pup’s (the puppy boston terrier) eyes checked. I was thinking to myself how lucky these little ones being taken cared of. Although my body feels it’s gonna break, I helped my brother just to make things lighter for him.
I was getting ready, ate my lunch and again back to my bed. My bed I thought was pulling me. “Just a few minutes, I just need a back rest please?” I said to myself. I looked at the ceiling for a while, just wondering if I choose not to go. And so I texted my mom, “Ma klngn nyo po ba ng damit ni dadi? Sma pa rin pakiramdam ko.” My mom replied “Sige pahinga ka n lng. Bukas ka na lang pumunta. Uminom ka ng gamot.”
Since my dad was hospitalized, Nanay, who's been our helper for 25 years and part of the family is taking care of our needs. She keeps trying her best although I know her body aches since she’s not getting any younger. I hope she’ll never get tired of us.
For me, it’s been a routine every afternoon, sending my mom and dad clothes, bringing home the soiled ones, sometimes giving my dad a bed bath, talking about us and everything, making them smile and the hardest, suppressing my feelings in front of them to make them feel we are okay, that everything is fine and they need not worry.
Back at home, I clearly see the weight of my responsibility is heavier. I realized how difficult it is to manage a household. In some moments, there is a challenge to hold your own emotions while carrying everyone’s. Violent reactions, angry words, hot temper; all the negative vibes need to be appeased. It’s like turning an ugly frog into a prince, as if I was a magician. Now, I miss my mom nagging at me, taking care of me, sleeping next to her and dad when I’m sick. I was their baby and will always be one.
I was half awake, wiping my yellow mucoid secretions on my nose, trying to breathe through my mouth, my mom was serially texting me of what was happening to my dad. I did not reply to each text but I’ve read them first and deleted them afterwards. Not all her texts were okay. What I mean was, technically the shortcuts were barely comprehensible and emotionally, I know she was a little bit sad. A big ouch! “I need to get up on bed” I said to myself. I just heard the evening’s church bell.
Starting the night, I tried replying once to her numerous texts. Next, I suddenly thought of a booster so I texted her second. It was a Valentine’s message, more than red roses, a warm message coming from the heart with a heart graphic I got from Sisiw’s (co-staff) text. I texted her again immediately before she can even finish reading or replying, reminding her of this and that, trying not to lose my face. And she replied.
I can’t hold back my tears falling down my face while reading her message. It’s about dad, our family. I took a bath and the flashback came running like a film rolling. I reminisced the times that we’ve been through.
We are an average family but at some moments I feel we’re extraordinary. My mom and dad raised us righteously. Some people would get envy of my parents for having good children. We do well in school. We don’t have any abused vices. We don’t steal money in their pockets but instead we give.
But there’s nothing perfect in this world. I experienced seeing my mom and dad fighting, dad scolding my brother, I myself being beaten. Money is an issue. I cannot recall any time having the fun of my life with them at the beach to relax. It’s been just a dream. We’ve always been through rough times more than smoothies galore. As my eldest brother said, “Lagi na lang.” We don’t always get what we want. Sometimes, what we get is the opposite of what we wished for. So in whatever music being played, we must learn to dance.
In my early years, eyes were open that I should not think of myself alone but also for others. I should know my priorities. I should be held responsible and accountable to my every move.
Just like other families, we feel bad when a problem strikes us. We are discouraged. There’s resentment. We make mistakes. We all fall down. Sorry is hard to say. Forgiveness is hard to give.
But for the first time in my life, if my mom and dad could hear me, I would say, “I’m proud of what we are as a family.”
And whatever happens to us, let’s have a ONE BIG FIGHT TOGETHER with our ONE BIG GOD ‘til the end!
I don’t have yet a LOVE STORY to tell you but this is the LOVE STORY OF US ~ The Unconditional ♥♥♥
Happy Hearts Day and May God bless us all!
